Burning the Candle at Both ends... As usual

I'm a back sliding fool regarding some sticky old habits; which never ceases to astound and frustrate me to the enth degree. It is almost comical how I am genuinely surprised to discover myself in some retrograde behavioral loop, one(s) that I'm certian I've done the work to evolve out of. My logical brain has no issue with it though... good 'ol LB at the ready with some completely reasonable possibilities or observations.

So my current reality is bitch slapping me in the face with an old out moded
way of engaging with life. It is like,Edie Babe 0.1, I'm talking vintage version here people. I worked my ass off going down deep into cold damp reaches of my soul and into old wounds, the whole shebang, in order to no longer live as a Reactionary Creature. Ya, that's right... I was one of those people who seemed ever either in a crisis or happy to be helping someone with theirs and have 2 or 3 jobs on the go. If talk about some future time when I'd get to relax and... and it was so intense I forgot any ambitions I'd ever had because all I did was respond to outward stimulation.

Presently I've arrived at such a great level of stress from mass activity and other thing that I unconsciously slipped right back to the old ways of being governed by what is happening. I stopped carving out me time, stopped dreaming of what would be fun to do, forgot how comfy my bed can be.... I haven't been attending to me in some very important ways as of late and that saddens me a little. I'm sorting it out though one day a time.

I wish I could be more like the LB sliver of my mind instead of the rather mixed mis-matched temperaments & experiential influences, all responding in 5 different ways to any given situation just to have my ass covered. The flurry of activity tricks me into thinking I have that much more of a chance that eventually I'll have done something just right at some point. Clearly these little back sliding episodes bring with a bit of historical minutia which makes me either pissed that I'm still 'there' or kinda of nostalgic mixed w a pinch of personal pride for personal gains I have made.

Well at least it is just temporary.